Friday, June 7, 2013

Twitter asks the best questions

Okay so this week the very excellent Ms.WendyDarling posed a very interesting question to Twitter:


The answer is, frankly, not many.  And the fact that the "magical cure" button exists is the reason I usually refuse to read books with disabled protags, because I find this type of plot device to be offensive.

Does every book do this? No, but the rate at which I see it occur puts me off these titles.

There are even fewer protagonists who are born with disabilities rather than acquire them throughout their life. It's a very different role in your life. As a person who is born with a disability, I have no feeling of loss of "normalcy." Having nine fingers is normal for me, I can't imagine what you people do with ten... That's just one too many.

(Yes, that was a joke. Please chuckle)

For me there is no urgency to return to a normal state.  There is simply a wish to accept that my normal-ness will never be the universal normal. It's not easy, and sometimes it's not fun. Although sometimes you tango up and down hospital hallways, and that my friends IS fun.

On the flip side, from my understanding--and I would like to be clear that it is my understanding and in no way fact, the journey of someone who gains a disability is different.  Many of my friends do have a desire to return to their previous state.  A desire which I get, and I understand, but is not something I want for myself. I will even admit that there are friends I have who were born disabled and want to attain this "universal normal."

The one thing I think both struggles encompass is that is it a daily question. It's not something that you magically accept one day and poof you're happy with who you are forever and always.  There are good days, when I'm like 'yeah I rule the world!' and there are days where I am like 'it really sucks to be labeled disabled. I'm going back to bed.'

Now back to the "magical cure" plot-line.  This plot devices proposes two things that at there are core are offensive:

One, it supposes that I need to be fixed and am somehow not like the rest of the world and thus am bad/wrong/unlikely to succeed without being like everyone else...

Not true.  I am perfectly happy (most days) with where I am in life.  All of my "cures" if you will, aka the 40 some odd surgeries that have kept my original parts in working order, were great and have kept me going.  They were, however, not a cure.

I will also say this: there is no need for a cure because there is nothing wrong with me.

For most people with disabilities, whether acquired or not, this is the truth. There is no cure.  Supposing there is a cure, means that somehow, I am a lower class of citizen without it.  The "magical cure" automatically assumes there is something wrong with me and that I must be in want of fixing.

Two, a "magical cure" can often take the form of the protagonist accepting themselves and their different state and then they are "magiced" into a perfect "universal normal" version of themselves.  The reward for accepting yourself as "different" is getting to be like everyone else.

I would like to say that the perpetuation that this kind of acceptance exists is mean. I grew up on many stories who used this and it took me years to realize there was never going to be that one magic moment of acceptance and then, poof, I would never have to worry about it again.

Acceptance of ones body is like everything else a spectrum of good days and bad days. Somedays, I am totally a ten. I have no qualms with whatever I am doing. Life is great. Then there are days where I'll admit it, I am not so accepting of myself. I get angry and frustrated, I'm at like a two those days. And sure there are days in there where I'm mildly aware but mostly don't care because I am too busy with my life. Those are my five days or if the classification exists on this spectrum: N/A.

Acceptance is a road that like life doesn't end.  It continues and there will be ups and downs along the way.

Now, I will make this final mention, as a writer and a reader, I understand the reason this literary device works. These are stories and at their ends, we want our characters to feel happy and like they've achieved something tangible. Acceptance is emotional.  As a filmmaker, I am always trying to find new ways of outwardly showing the interior problems/emotions/beats.  So yes, the  "magical cure" is in itself a great way to express that happy acceptance-filled ending.  It's the fairytale sort of end that everyone wants.

But when you start to think about what the ending really says, it's not that nice. It's not inclusive. It's deceiving.  It's letting people believe that people who are different need to be "fixed."

Now, I am a writer and I can soap-box about this topic all day.  The typical follow up question I get to my conversations, is: Then Gretchen, you clearly have passion for this, why don't you write a book/a TV show about a disabled person. You could fix this!

Well, that would be really cool. Sure. I mean I am all for more people with disabilities in the media--and if its televised, it'd really be cool if those characters were actually played by people with disabilities. If that happened, I might not soap-box as often as I do on the subject.

Yes, I've considered it. Yes, I've tried it. But what it comes down to is this: disabled characters become bounded by the disability to which they have. Very rarely, if ever, are they free to run around in stories or live lives, that have nothing at all to do with their disability.

Since they are disabled, their journey and story must be about their journey to over-come it. Their journey is always a desire to return to a "universal normal" which is not my desire at all.  They can't just exist autonomously from what they are.  I've spent my entire life being told exactly what I am, and what I have, and what that means for me.  I do not want to create a character, set them in a story, and then proceed to be all doctor like and tell them what they are.

Especially in SF/F, characters with disabilities are typically born on planets or exist in societies that look down on people who are disabled. They ara then set on a path to prove the world wrong.

Now do I think the world we live in is perfect in regards to people with disabilities? No. I mean please my civil rights are younger than I am. Do I face discrimination? Have I faced it? Yup. So can these stories be relevant? Sure. Absolutely, they can be. But so often, disabled characters become touch stones for a larger audience and fail to be real characters/ real people. They are completely defined by what the author has chosen they have. They do not exist without being disabled.

Trust me, when I say if you ask me to describe myself, the last thing I will say is disabled. The last thing I will mention is that I have nine fingers, am missing parts of my spine, have had over 40 surgeries, and could go on listing the "disabilities" that I have. But as you can see that is not me. That is what I am, that is not who I am. It is in answering the "who are you" question that drives literature.

Shakespeare even drove an entire play with that question. "Who's there?/Stand and unfold yourself." That's Hamlet people, a question of who is there and who are you? Will you be will you not?

But so rarely is the "who are you" question answered without using disability for characters who just so happen to have them.

I think it's time to abandon the idea that disabled characters can only exist within stories where they serve to enlighten the world of their attitudes toward disability.  Because that is the change we want to see in the world. That people of all races, abilities, sexual orientations, and I am forgetting some so everyone, can be seen for who they are and not what they.  They are not defined by pre-existing ideas of what that person should be.

Stop using characters with disabilities as a means to an end. Stop defining a character with a disability by their disability. Because as long as I am not in the hospital, I do not live my life being defined by what I am, because I am too busy defining who I am to be bothered by what I am.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Hello World!

I'm baaaa-ahhhhhck.


Oy, and it feels good, although not as creepy as Flynn Rider in that gif.  What has kept me away?  Well, as my last entry may have hinted: thesis. But guess what?!?! 

After doing this for a month: 


I have completed my graduate thesis, all 220 pages of it. (script, budget, marketing plan, cast/crew, and END NOTES--which are the worst)

(this is all six copies I had to turn in)

Now, I just have to wait for my oral defense (in two weeks). In the mean time, I'm on the look out for a job. So if you see one laying around, send it my way. 

In the meantime, I'm flirting with like 6 projects (2 features, 2 pilots, 2 books). As I've mentioned before, I've got commitment issues.









Friday, August 24, 2012

Thesis.

If you've ever had to write a thesis you know pure and absolute joy and pure and absolute pain. Wait, no one told you thesis writing wasn't the most fun thing you've ever done in your life?

WHAT!?!?!

But seriously now, I'm in grad school and I'm almost done! (my last year) But before we break out the confetti and the cake (or rather cupcakes) there is this big bad thing called thesis.  Thesis in my program while a complete pain is also sort of completely and totally filled with awesome. It's what happens when you got to film school.

Our thesis projects must either consist of a TV show or a Film (if you choose film you may not write it, TV however you may).  So of course I've chosen TV.  One because I absolutely LOVE it. I probably watch more TV than is healthy. In my class and at my last internship, the name of the game was find a TV show Gretchen does not watch. It's hard.  But it can be done.  Two I absolutely want to write TV and work in TV and sort of just surround myself with books and TV.

It's a great thing that my TV does not take up that much room. The same cannot be said of my book obsession, even with e-reader Saira on the job.

But like any good type-A personality, I've already started my thesis.  I'm knee deep in stuff. TV Bible. Outline. Leave-behind. Outline. Marketing ideas. Outline. Character bios. Did I mention outlining?

Oy outlining. For those who know me well you know I've never EVER been one to outline. I'm more of the ocasional post-it kind of girl.  TV however is not done with the ocasional post-it. No ma'am, do not pass go do not collect $200 until you have outlined.

I sort of want to pull my nails out.  And then again I sort of don't.

Outline is one of those things that's a lot like writing, in that everyone must find their own way of handling it.  There are ways of outline just like there are ways of writing.  I've been smacking my head against the outline until finally my friend suggested I outline the "procedural" plot and build around that.

It worked like Pixie Dust, I was up and at 'em before I knew what happened.  Now I'm back with the other plots and am about to start digging through all of the other scenes ferreting out all of the other plots.   You see TV shows are strictly divided up into four basic plot lines in every episode. So I've tamed one--mostly.  Now it's on to the other stuff, luckily it's all falling into place.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I am a....writer....oy.

So I've been a writer in the sense that I think things up and then commit them to paper for years. Like years (code for I have forgotten the exact time this started.)  But what's funny is that I've sort of kept it in a box. Like a box you bury deep in the back of your closet so no one has to see the stuff you keep in it sort of box.

I wrote things down but I did not tell anyone in my "real" life that I was busy writing things down. It was always that thing I did late at night or in notebooks or in places where people who knew me could never see it.

That is all a changin'.

Because my career goal to be a TV writer or a novelist, or a feature writer. Basically what I am getting at is that I am going to be a writer. It's not just a dream that will someday happen it's got to happen.

Now that the "career" part of my life is out of the way, it's time to make the second step.  Taking that box out of the closet and letting out that thing I've kept closed up.

It's a strange thing to go to parties with my family or talk with my old friends. Strange because I'm now telling them, I'm going to be a writer. I used to keep everything all boxed up because I didn't want people to think I was foolish.  I grew up in a small town and people from small town Kansas, just did not become writers of any kind.  We became teachers, and farmer, and maybe there was the odd doctor or lawyer, but we did not become writers and we certainly did not move to California with the intention of becoming writers.  It was a fine dream but there was always the practicality of living to consider. More often than not, practicality won out.

The strange thing is that fear and anxiety I thought would happen. And more importantly that feeling that people would think I was dreaming the impossible dream, did not happen. I have officially been introducing myself as Gretchen Schreiber--writer for several months now.

I've broached the subject with my parents.  It was sort of like telling them I'm not going to medical school all over again. And surprisingly (to me at least) they were like "Duh. Of course you are."

"...." that was my response. Actually the more accurate response would be this: o_0. My parents were completely chill.

My friends? Did not think I was some sort of freak. They thought it was "cool." That I was having some sort of mad adventure that they wanted to be apart of...

Suddenly, my entire fear network, because that's what it had become in my mind. A network of fear.  Fear that I might have to tell people I want to write things down. That I might have to admit that I was more afraid of admitting this to myself, than of admitting it to my friends. I was just displacing all that fear of my own failing to other people.  So much self-examination....it's good for the soul.

Anyway the point of the story is: Hi, my name is Gretchen Schreiber and I want am going to be a writer.

Oy.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Pie Baking

Digging.  Drill down.  Go deeper.  These are all words/phrases/things I've typed in critiques. It's my short hand for: you're only scratching the surface, but there's big oil reserves down there.

It's also something that I myself have had to come and face. Not just in my writing but in a personal level.

There were some not so good days this week. They are not writing related, and I've come to term/dealt with them, so I'm cool.  Am I going to tell you the gory details--of course not.  However, I have learned not to shy away from unpleasant emotions. Just because something makes us unhappy does not mean we do not talk about it. Not that every subject needs to be full of negativity, but everyone stumbles and has a weak moment.  This week has been mine. (It's only Tuesday I realize--that tell you something about how my week has been?)

But I will say these words, drill down/digging/go deeper are a better way of dealing with/discussing  anger/fear/hatred/frustration/love than anything I have yet to find.

I was busy trying to explain my situation to a friend via gchat and he stops me to ask what made me type some of the things I've said.  I give him some of the answers, but he stops me again and says, no that's not what I meant. Why do YOU say these things? Why do YOU feel so strongly about this?

My friend forced me to go down past the surface level emotion--anger, and delve into why I was angry.  Not the situation, but my emotions that led to me being angry. I feel that I'm mucking this up.  But what I have learned is that most of these surface layer emotions are always backed by deeper more personal emotions. I wasn't just angry--oh I thought I was--but I was not.  I was hurt, I'd lost something I dearly wanted, I felt betrayed.  All of these emotions were baked in a pie and covered by a crust of anger.  Without that tasty filling, the pie crust doesn't have legs on which to stand.

He also forced me to look at a lot of my own "demons" surrounding the subject. As I started to sit down and write I find that I too am starting to unpack/drill down into my characters emotions. Not asking what makes them angry--but what is that anger covering.  That's where the real drama is. Because the filling is way more satisfying than the pie crust.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Musical Mondays

More ear food on this bright Monday Morning.  Today's musical stylings are brought to you by the wonderful artist Ellie Goulding.

I sat here trying to remember how I came across this wonderful artist and it took me a good five minutes, because she's been in my life now almost two months. Her CD Lights is pretty much the only stuff I listen to on my commute to work in the mornings.  

Then I remembered I discovered Ellie on facebook, because a random friend was listening to her on Spotify and I had nothing better to do than look her up on youtube and take a listen.  Little did I know this would lead me to immediately purchasing her CD.  

Today's number however (I should warn all of you Americans, this song is not available in the US, I know it's a crime) is not on Ellie's CD Lights.  I should also say there are two version of a lot of her music.  There is the acoustic and then the electronic. Both are fabulous, I am just showing you the acoustic version today, but look her up!

Title: Wish I Stayed
Artist: Ellie Goulding


Lyrics (azlyrics.com)

Why can't we speak another language, one we all agree on?
Why and when men look outside, do they see houses,
Instead of the fields they grew from?
We are constantly uprooted from them, making us tiresome and fearful,
Can you get up right now? Endeavour to free-fall.

'Cause you can fall if you want to, it's just a matter of how far,
You've treasured your home town, but you've forgotten where you are.
And it will stay with you until you're mind's been found,
and it has been found wondering around.

With that skipping rope, the trampoline,
The crafty smoke that made us choke,
But we didn't give up hope.
It's the simple ways of getting paid,
The carelessness of running away,
I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed.

Patterns all arranged in my background,
It's pillars and posts keeping this country on form.
Letters were all sent with no addresses so that people can't discover.
We're always undercover.
Why do I always draw triangles instead of words this paper so deserves?

'Cause you see,
I don't own my clothes but I own my mind,
And it's not what you've lost,
But it's what you find.

We found that skipping rope, the trampoline,
The crafty smoke that made us choke,
But we didn't give up hope.
It's the simple ways of getting paid,
The carelessness of running away,
I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed.

'Cause you can fall if you want to, it's just a matter of how far,
You've treasured your home town, but you've forgotten where you are.
And it will stay with you 'til you're mind's been found,
and it has been found wondering around.

With that skipping rope, the trampoline,
The crafty smoke that made us choke,
But we didn't give up hope.
It's the simple ways of getting paid,
The carelessness of running away,
Now, I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed,
I wish I stayed.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Finding Center

So I love the film Center Stage. Yes I know it's cheesy, corny, and the acting can sometimes be questionable, but I love it anyway. It's one of those films that makes me stop whatever I am doing and sit down and watch.  No matter what, I will watch this film if it is on TV.

One of my favorite scenes, besides all of the dance sequences, comes at the end of the film. Eva, who's bad attitude at the beginning of the film put her on bad terms with the artistic director, is alone practicing.  She's frustrated because she didn't get the big part, that her director hates her, that she'll never get a job. Then enters her teacher, Juliette Simone.  Eva complains and Juliette tells her something important. A good dancer will always come back to the barre. Other dancers will complain, they didn't like, I should have gotten this, but good dancers come back practice because it is one more time they get to dance.

I love this scene, it can be corny but I love it because I feel that's how you need to describe yourself as an artist. No matter what you return to your art.  You get a bad review, you come back to the blank word document. A CP doesn't like something, you re-evaluate and try to see what they see. An agent sends you a form rejection, you take it and write another day.

I'm not saying it won't hurt like hell, because I can tell you it feels like a punch to the gut.  It feels like you might be a failure.  It feels bad.  And no one likes to feel bad about a piece of their soul.

The important thing is to come back. Nothing should keep you from opening that word document, scrivener, celtx, finaldraft.  Not anyone's comments because believe it or not, you wrote something and it was probably really good in some spots and probably could have been better in others (yes, we must admit our failings).

When I studied physical theater in undergrad, they always focused on the importance of your center of gravity. For women, it's right above the hips. If you focus on this spot while trying to balance, it makes balancing easier.  For me the freedom of a new project is just like finding my center. No matter the stuff I've dealt with that's tipped me over, or made me lose focus, I can center myself again by focusing on a new story, a new set of words. My writing life is not built around others reactions to my work, although I love to get the good reviews, but there are also the critiques of what I need to work on.  So find your center, your barre, your blank page, the one thing that makes you focus back to your writer and makes it easier to deal with all of the crazy stuff.

Do you have a center point for your creative self? Something that helps you deal with all of the crazy stuff? Tell me about it, leave a comment!